The Sentinel
by ebi pers
Summary: Hal finds Lourdes's diary among her possessions and reflects on what he couldn't do for her. Drabble. Tribute piece. Hades, in a way.


**A/N: Hey guys! It's been a loooooong time since I've written anything and I must sincerely apologize for that. Life has been crazy for me and I'm not sure how often I will be able to post, but after last night's Falling Skies episode 407 "Saturday Night Massacre," I had to write something. SPOILERS BELOW! If you haven't seen the episode yet and don't want it spoiled, don't read any further! Come back later—I'll wait!**

**Ok? Ok.**

**Lourdes died! They killed her off! Lexi murdered Lourdes! (RIP Tector and Dr. Kadar too but let's focus on the important one here). They killed Lourdes! After all these seasons. I just couldn't believe it. I am some strange combination of angry, sad, and a mess of other negative feelings. I really and truly liked her. Some people found her annoying because of her religious fanaticism this season (and found her annoying for other reasons before this season) but I really felt she was a relatable character. Who wouldn't become devoted to Lexi after she saved them? And then to have Lexi turn around and betray her like that… It was tragic. I had to do something as a tribute to my favorite character, now fallen. And I had to make it Hades because I shipped them so hard. Maybe they can still have their someday… Anyway, without further ado, I give you: "The Sentinel."**

* * *

Hal stared at the small, leather-bound book in his hand, unsure of what to do. Opening it would be an invasion of her privacy, but leaving it shut would be a desecration of her memory. He was torn, turning the dog-eared notebook over and over in his hand, hunched over on a stray piece of brick left over from the devastating explosion of Chinatown. The early morning light illuminated her name on the cover, carefully scrawled in her delicate hand that he always thought was too elegant for someone who had once wanted to be a doctor, a painful reminder of her absence.

Finally, after debating for what seemed like forever, he opened the first page and read over the words written there in the same cursive hand, almost calligraphic in nature.

_This book is the property of Lourdes Maria Guzman Delgado. _

He had never seen her full name written out before, hadn't even known it until this point. He turned the page.

_If you find this…if I am not beside you when you read this…then I guess I didn't make it. And I guess that's okay. Whoever you are, take care of this book. It is history. I have learned the importance of it from a dear friend of mine. _

Hal winced, a blurry film starting to form over his eyes. He willed the tears away, continued to read.

_My name is Lourdes Maria Guzman Delgado. I was born in Mexico City on June 15, 1991. When I was five my parents took me and my sister to the United States. We were blessed to be able to secure Visas and later green cards. The fighting was so bad in Mexico City, but it's nothing compared to what I've seen since then. We settled in the Jamaica Plains neighborhood of Boston. I was a pre-med student at Wellesley College._

_When this invasion happened, I was just finishing up my first year there. I lost my whole family. My parents, my sister, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles. I was alone. I was scared. I was rescued by a group of fighters who survived the invasion. They formed a community—the 2__nd__ Mass. They are my family now._

Hal read over her account of the early months following the invasion, feeling like he was intruding on her most secret thoughts. She had written everything down here—who had come in and out of the clinic, her faith, and perhaps what made him feel the most guilty—her feelings toward him. His stomach in knots, he couldn't bear to finish reading what she had written of him. He wasn't worthy of it. There was a noticeable gap between their arrival in Charleston and her de-worming in Boston. Hal was most interested in her account of her days in Chinatown before he arrived. Turning the page, he frowned. There were only a few hastily scrawled sentences there. The handwriting was much sloppier, riddled with grammatical mistakes that suggested her frantic final weeks. Her words were less like a narrative and more like a list of important events and thoughts that Hal could barely decipher. He knew it must have meant something to her.

_We are separated. With Alexis Ben and Maggie. We found peace in Chinatown Lexi protects us she stopped a Mech with her hand simply by willing it. We have peace. They believe._

_Lexi freed me of my worms she keeps me safe I must do the same for her._

_They say we are crazy we are not._

_Everything I ever wanted_

_Missing my family today but Lexi says every thing will be ok so it must be so_

_Reunion with Anne today. Glad. Lexi is happy and we are all—_

_Hal arrive in Chinatown today with others. _

_Something has happened to Lexi_

The narrative ended there, feeling painfully incomplete. Hal had not the slightest idea what some of the fragmented sentences and incomplete thoughts meant and it frustrated him. These were Lourdes's final days. These were her final words to the world. This was what she would be remembered by and he couldn't tell what she was trying to tell him. He flipped the yellowed pages, desperately seeking some kind of answers. He found it on the very back of the last page. The ink still looked fresh, unlike the faded lines of the other pages. It was written once more in the careful handwriting that characterized the earliest sentences written in the ledger.

_Lexi gives me hope. Lexi has saved me from the darkest point of my life. I was afraid, but I do not fear or despair anymore. I believe we can finally achieve peace. I am grateful for her friendship. She is hope. I must protect her. I know that they don't believe in her now, but in time they will come to see. No matter what, there is good in her. I know it. She will save this Earth, just as she saved me. And until then, I must work to repay her. I must keep her safe from those who would destroy her. I must be her sentinel. I hope—_

It ended there. Hal turned the pages, ruffled them again and again, desperate for some last memento, some last word or sentence or picture that would conclude the legacy of the medic. But there was none. This whole time, he thought she was crazy. This whole time, he looked down on her when at the end of the day they wanted the same thing. The tears spilled over now, all the regret bottled inside of him. He had promised to keep her safe and protect her that night in the tent, when she regained enough control over the eye worms to speak to him, to plead with him, her eyes full of hope and trust and pain and suffering. He had _promised_. And he had failed her. She was Lexi's sentinel, and he should have been hers. He shut the book as he heard footsteps behind him. He looked up to see Anne approaching.

"What's that?" she asked curiously, indicating the notebook.

"Nothing," he shrugged her off. "Just…just something personal."

Anne nodded, satisfied with his explanation. He brushed a gloved finger over the wrinkled cover, then slipped the book into the inside pocket of his jacket.

* * *

**A/N: Fin.**

**God that was rough to write. I hope you liked my tribute to Lourdes. It wasn't easy to write and I hope that the emotions came through in character and clearly enough. I'm a bit rusty. I'll probably have a bigger tribute to Lourdes or some sort of Falling Skies piece up eventually. I'm still working on the details. In the meantime, I would appreciate a review if you have the time. Tell me how much you miss Lourdes or how mad you are at the writers or whatever! And if you guys want to talk about it, PM me and we can grieve together. Thanks for reading. **


End file.
